Painting a nightmare

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling black birds in my hair. The noise of flapping wings and movement felt so real... I tried to escape the feeling, but it followed me through the day. Finally, I gave up, and put it to the paper in the best way I could. 

My big moleskine journal is the best place to catch anything I want to express.

 I didn't paint it on the easel (pictured above), just wanted to see how it looks. I am so extremely in love with my easel that I have to see how anything looks on it :-) I painted it on the table (as seen bellow) using only a brown and white. 

Black birds are gone. Colorful ones are soon to come.

Big painting, small head

Letting go

It is said that we paint ourselves over and over and over again. If it is so, then this is the most true self-portrait I ever painted. I don't mean the physical resemblance (far off, and I didn't even try). More that it is a true portrait of my feelings. It is also the favorite thing I painted in 2013. Not sure why I didn't show it earlier... maybe because it came from the place we usually guard and keep for ourselves. I took pictures of the process, which I hope you will enjoy. 

-24"x36", mixed media on canvas-

After helping our daughter move far, far away and officially becoming an empty-nester, I tried releasing my emotions through a Flora Bowley way of painting. No thinking, just colors and music and layers... Here are the first stages of the painting.

And then the subconscious started working and she emerged, and the two birds with their beautiful wings spread out were suddenly there too...

I didn't fight it. I knew exactly that I was painting my children, and that it was me there, letting them go, calm and sure, and accepting of the new phase in our lives.

Interesting how those things happen.... It felt good.

When I finished the painting I was completely ok with all of it and ready to celebrate what comes next.

Can you believe that it is the last day of January? Already?

xoxoxoxo

Not just one...

Why paint only one angel, when I can paint two? 

This is just the beginning, the first stage. They almost look like mirror image, but who knows, they might turn completely different. I don't even have a color scheme in my mind at this time...

Taking it slow

 As much as I love painting extra fast, from time to time I like to take my time with paintings. And whenever several weeks pass without me painting an angel, I get this nudge to pick up the brush...

So that is what I started today. I don't know how much time I will have in the following days, and it doesn't really matter since I want to paint this slowly. Layer by layer, day by day.... I wonder how will it look at the end :-)

When life gives you paint spills...

When life gives you paint spills, you PAINT!

Do you see that big blob of white paint? It was one of three blobs that happened when an open jar of new titanium white paint fell on the floor. Actually, not floor, the carpet. The only place in our home that has a carpet is my studio... It was there when we purchased the house, and it stayed even though it makes no sense. This is not the first time that paint splattered on it.

 I keep some of my big journals on the floor, so - of course - the paint found them. What do you do? Use the paint and quickly make something. I am not in the best mood today. I slept very poorly, and I noticed that at my age even one bad night translates into a day of low energy and not the best attitude. 

 There was no way that any blending and shading were going to happen, so I just attacked the cover of the journal with bold paint strokes and messy lines. And I loved it! It might become a new standard for me.... the freer the better :-)

Or maybe not. Maybe if I get a good night of sleep, I might start feeling normal again :-) Until then, I hope you enjoy the expressiveness of this face as much as I enjoyed painting it.

On a book page

Golden Angel

Black stabillo pencil, water and titanium white. Often the simplest materials are enough.

Don't you think cats make every scene seem somehow more relaxed?

Golden angel is for sale here.

Reflection, journal page + Video

I finished the painting I showed in progress in this post, and then decided to have a little photo-shoot with her. Don't know why, probably because I used earthy tones to paint her, and the leaves are so beautiful now... I quickly noticed that glass and sun create reflections and that what I wanted to capture isn't happening. Interestingly enough, when I later looked at the photos the ones I liked the most were the ones that showed reflected flowers, tree or me in the painting.

I wanted to have her face in my journal too, so I made a very quick and impatient transfer.

I recorded a video in double speed, and for the first time tried to do voice over. I enjoy listening to other artists explain what they are doing, and as hard as it is, wanted to try it. Please excuse my manly voice, the different levels of sound and everything else... it is a learning curve, and this is just my first try :-);

Waiting for words

I love when images that were not there before show up on crisp white pages. 

I used the same shapes I did in the exercise I blogged about here.

But then she showed up... and I can't really read her expression. Worried? Troubled? Tired?

Dreams

Run. Escape. Hide. That's what I've been doing in my dreams lately. Somebody, something is chasing me.... and it's not pleasant. I don't know why it's happening, but I know that I can deal with it through art. So I pulled out my big moleskine (16.5 x 11.5") and let the colors come out.

I don't know why these two ladies showed up, or the moon/bird or whatever it is, but it felt good. Hopefully the bad dreams will stop and I'll feel serene as the lady on the right :-)

Happy Day

Happy day!
Every woman I know is caring, nurturing, selfless and wonderful, so I wish you all a very happy day.

The little bird has a message scratched into the wood - "You are enough". We all are. Even when we forget it and feel miserable for this reason or that - it is something to keep in mind.

I've poured a layer of thick, milky encaustic medium over this painting, leaving some parts of the wood exposed. I love how it is cloudy and super shiny at the same time.

Couldn't resist showing the wonder of random cracks and colors. I hope you like them as much as I do.